I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There's always time for handjobs
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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