my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
