pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
