it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
