Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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