It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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