I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
