Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
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Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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