I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
As shirtless as possible
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
