You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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