Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
being pregnant is like rehab
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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