i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize