so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
