This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
