Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We had to coat check the pizza.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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