With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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