i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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