I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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