Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
