totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize