she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
