Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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