so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
