Fine. I'll sleep in my office
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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