I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
