loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
