dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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