you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I know her cup size but not her name....
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