I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
