we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize