You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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