dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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