It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
