Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
