Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
