plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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