He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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