It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
