ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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