It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Im part way to drunk.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
