Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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