I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
