got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i came on her dog
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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