I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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