guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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