Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
