Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
