Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
