im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
