She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
