Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
