Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
