we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
